i dont care whats going on here but i want in
did I ever tell you guys about how when I moved into my first apartment my dad’s move-in present for me was this bomb tee-ball bat that’s fuckin legit as hell and bright pink and hello kitty themed?
he gave it to me and said
"this is just so that if anyone ever tries to mess with you, after you’ve kicked their ass you can stand over them and knock their lights out and the last thing they’ll see is the cute and unforgiving face of hello kitty"
a+ parenting folks
a gem I found at the farmers market once
so i’ve lived here since 2nd grade and i never noticed the beautiful bush my neighbors have in their backyard
back when i was in community college my teacher told us the story of a girl in his class who wanted to have sex with her boyfriend but they didnt have any lube so they used mayonnaise. fast forward a couple of days and she’s getting random orgasms during class and driving places so she goes to the doctor and they check her out and guess what they found
okay ill tell you it was maggots. maggots were in her vagina giving her orgasms.
you sweet talker, you :)